Lately, it seems that I have to bandage myself up to make it through a day at work.   My right foot tends to hit the ground solidly or more at the heal, instead of toe-to-heal, (and not in a gentle way).  Sometimes I even have a tendency to drag my right foot in a sort of slide.  This problem with walking has created an issue with my toes flexing and then drifting and curling outward to the point that my little toe is rubbing against my shoe and creating either a painful protrusion such as a hard bunion or callus.  On top of that, I find myself having episodes of muscle cramps in other areas of my body the past few days.  At first the tightening and cramping was in my back, now the cramping is in my right pectoral muscles.  In other words, I have been trying to function with pain lately.

I wrap my right foot each day with bandages so that I can wear shoes without too much pain – because the bandages pad my foot and provide an extra layer of cushion under my sock.  By wrapping the top part of my foot around my toes, I can keep them stable.

I placed a call to my Movement Disorder Specialist about my cramping, but his nurse told me over the phone that they don’t call in to pharmacies medications such as muscle relaxers, and that the specialist would want to see me before prescribing anything other than my Parkinson meds, but he is currently very booked up with appointments and has no current openings (I have an appointment in early November anyway).  Therefore, the nurse recommended that I call my primary care physician – which I have yet to do – because it just seems like a hassle.  I guess I would rather moan, complain, and write this blog than to actually do something productive like make a phone call and schedule a primary care physician appointment.   Actually, if this pain continues, I guess I will make that call.

I also have been getting caught up in some of my thoughts about “not being able to do this much longer” – in terms of working.  The long hours at work are really getting to me.  I keep having the thought (and the emotions that go with it) that I can’t continue to keep up this pace, and yet a lack of benefits (such as disability insurance) then shifts my focus back into the necessity of having to work for pay.

Lately, it seems, or at least feels, like I am really struggling at work to make it through the whole day, but I have no other alternatives or options other than continuing to work, or trying to fight for government paid disability.  I can’t afford to take off work long enough for that fight and mentally I don’t feel like I am ready to argue that I am totally disabled either.  I am in one of those tough places to be at mentally.  I will try to keep on.  On a lighter note, I seem to be adjusting to my new CPAP machine.  The mask has caused me to awaken a few times in the night, but I wake up in the morning feeling more rested.