In addition to involuntary movements such as those produced by tremor, dyskinesia, or dystonia, there is another kind of involuntary movement which can be very annyoing and embarrassing.
Myoclonus is a rapid twitch or uncontrolled movement, sort of a physical tic, but with really poor ability to predict or suppress it.
I often have a combination of dystonia and myoclonus. My hand will rapidly clench and then will suddently extend to my side. I will have head twitches and neck jerking. This is in addition to a more slower dance like chorea or dyskinesia movement induced by an “off period” or by medication level increases or decreases.
These myoclonus type moves were so subtle in the past that they were barely noticeable in times when I was anxious. Now, they tend to appear at greater frequencies. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am working towards “letting go of what others think”, but I have not yet mastered the art of not being embarrassed.
Furthermore, there is a sense of restlessness that bothers me, when I can’t keep my body stable enough to relax.
I don’t want to get in to reporting every detail portraying that I am “falling apart”. For this reason, I want to avoid blog posting for a while. I want to read others’ tweets, keeping myself updated on the Parkinson’s community, and meanwhile actively engaging in life as much as I can. I can’t say that this is the end of my blog, I look at it as more of a break. Please know that I am still with you on your journey.
I have a progressive condition, and it is doing just that. It is hard for me to keep up with everything that is going on, including this blog. I find that I get more easily distressed, irritable, and confused lately. I find that I have to pull myself back to keep a positive outlook.
I am still “me” inside. I am still a fighter. I currently just need time to recharge and to regenerate, in order to keep the fight alive.
I reverse earlier comments that indicate a position of Parkinsonisms as not being a gift. I used to think it was “sugar-coating” the disease to say that there was much good that could come out of being afflicted. However, it has given to me in addition to taking from me. Don’t get me wrong, it has taken parts of me that I loved. In a sense, many things that were “Pdude” or “Chris” are now gone (my career, my ability to write, my speed, my quick mind – just to name a few).
Yet, having this illness has provided me with a new perspective, of how life contains many gifts and many moments that you want to hold on to – and to make sure that you don’t let these cherished moments just fly by, unnoticed. I have also met many people with Parkinsonisms and other similar illnesses that have enriched my life.
I plan on focusing on some other things right now. Maybe I will come back and post soon, or maybe not. Anyway, keep enjoying life, keep active, and “keep on”.