If you ask me, “How are you feeling?”, I am likely to respond, “I have good days and bad days”.
Maybe I should replace the word “days” with “moments”, or say, “some times are better than others”.
Anyway, I seem to be getting caught up in how I should answer the question, and not spending enough time discussing my main point; which is – well, um, I guess is self-explanatory – I alternate between times of feeling physically “okay” with times of feeling bad.
I try to do as many productive or healthy things that I am able to do in those periods of time when I am feeling well enough to do them. These activities include: exercise, hobbies, and anything that I can do which will promote my wellness, or to help my family members, or accomplish household duties. When I am performing an activity that is is either fun, healthy, or meaningful to myself or others, I will have a sense of optimism, hope, and purpose.
During the times that I feel bad, my view of life gets tainted by the reality of my limitations, and then my outlook gets poisoned with visions of doom. The worst thoughts of doom present themselves to me at night, when I am struggling to sleep or having a bad bout of acid reflux.
Right now, I am improving my mental well-being by engaging in new and old hobbies, keeping as busy as I can be.
It is a cruel thing that the more that I seem to do physically, the harder it is on my body – thus the more aches I feel.
Overall, I am feeling okay emotionally right now.
It is interesting that, as bad as I feel sometimes, I still find myself wondering what others think, like when they see me on a good day. I sometimes wonder if others who see me at my best moments think that my Parkinson’s is not that big of deal – or perhaps condemn me for not working or being on disability?
I need to continue wading through the bad times and cherish each good moment.
Hang in there! Keep on!