Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. I have been trying to do things differently and keep busy.
Right now, for today, or at least this moment, I am at a place of peace and serenity.
I am still not in a place of denial.
I can honestly say the road ahead is probably not going to be easy. Yet, I have little sadness or fear – right now.
Some say that they view their illness as just an obstacle. Some say that they have happiness which derives out of a belief that there will be a imminent cure – or that they can keep themselves in shape and ward off the devastating consequences that may come on the road ahead. I hope so, yet my own serenity is no longer dependent on such beliefs, whether true or not. Granted I have hope and I put forth effort, yet I am fully aware that such glorious days may not happen.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not predicting gloom and doom. You should know me enough by now to know that I am not saying that others should abandon hope or stop fighting. I am merely stating that for me, right now, I can be at peace with either a positive or negative outcome.
As I have said before, Parkinson’s disease is not the worst disease out there.
None of us know what the future holds for either ourselves or those whom we deeply care about.
Today I choose to enjoy the moments, to cherish what passes in front of me that is good – as I know that things will change.
I tried to avoid the P word (Parkinson’s). I even maybe often pretended that I didn’t have it – but that didn’t work – and in the ugly moments of off times, I was contributing to more sadness.
It is what it is.
For someone who used the word “acceptance” more times than you can count over the course of my career, I now know that I have barely scratched the surface myself. I know that tomorrow I may not be on that same trail of acceptance, making it more important that for right now, I need to try to hold on to it. Acceptance is not a one time thing, instead, it is an ongoing process involving decision, work, and gratitude – all the while, being aware of some harsh realities, and additionally, some future possibiliities which could be more like probabilities.
Oh, yeah, there is one other thing. I know longer feel the need for privacy of my identity. I didn’t keep it well hidden anyway.
I am Chris L McClish. A retired psychotherapist who… wait a minute! The attributes that I was going to mention following my name are not me -but instead are what I do or what I have done, but not who I am. So, I am who I am, it is what it is, and – I cherish you, and I want you to keep on going!
I hope to blog back to you soon (and hopefully, I will still be in a serene state of mind)!
Right now, no matter what is going on wrong in your life, are you able to join me for a happy moment where we can both cherish some things that are good? – C